Non-Medical Rant

And now, from the caffiene-fueled anger center of the Gnome...

I watched Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer last night.

When the hell did the PC-idiots change friggin' Rudolph?

I can't remember what the song originally was, but it's no longer there. The song when Rudolph and his new misfit pal Hermie the wanna-be dentist leave Christmastown, they sing a song. But the song I heard last night is definately not the same as the one I heard as a kid.

And, pointed out to me by a friend who watched it with his young daughters (I was in the kitchen making cookies), they have removed the part where Hermie reaches up to the general area where the 'Bumble's nuts should be with his pliers and squeezes. The 'Bumble gets a funny look on his face, and Cornelius tackles him off the cliff. Now Cornelius just tackles the 'Bumble off the cliff.

Who the hell was the PC nut-job who made these changes? It's not ok anymore to teach kids that if you act like an asshole, you'll get kicked in the nuts?

It's not ok to sing whatever it is that song is about? (I can't remember the words off the top of my head). Well, hell, while we're at it, why don't we just stop showing Rudolph, since it's a movie that shows that not everyone is a special snowflake, and that sometimes you get made fun of. I mean, we wouldn't want to offend or upset any kid who gets made fun of in school. Seriously...even Santa tells Rudolph's dad that he should be ashamed for having a kid who's different than everyone else. If anything should offend someone's sensitive sensiblities, that should. Isn't Santa supposed to be an equal opportunity gift-giver? Clearly that mind-set doesn't transfer over to those in his employ.

Come to think of it, Santa gets made out to be a real dick in this movie. He's snappy with the elves over that stupid song, he tells Rudolph he's no good cause he's got a light-bulb for a nose (although as soon as Santa needs something from Rudolph, that light-bulb is great and wonderful and awesome and Rudolph is now a member of the community again), gets mad at his wife for trying to cheer him up...the list goes on.

While we're at it, why not just cut out the whole Rulolph song from kid's holiday songs? After all, Rudolph gets made fun of and ostracized by the rest of the reindeer community cause he's got a glowing nose. That might offend someone who has rosatia or something. I mean, this is a clear instance of discrimination based on appearance. Where are the lawyers? Someone should be pushing Rudolph to sue for discrimination and pain and suffering. Come to think of it, are those elves legal immigrants? Does Santa have a license for making toys? How many reindeer does he have? Does he have a license for owning more than 'X' number of livestock? Once the lawyers sue on Rudolph's behalf, they should go after Santa for all those violations.

Honestly people. Come on. Surely there are more and better things you could be censoring than a stupid fucking kid's Christmas special (note, I said CHRISTMAS, not HOLIDAY. Last time I checked, Santa was associated with Christmas). What's next, changing Frosty because it might offend magicians who feel that the magician in the movie paints them in a bad light? How about taking out all instances of Lucy taking the football away and making Charlie Brown fall, because that could upset people who aren't good at sports. Not to mention all the times Charlie Brown gets hit with the ball in baseball and gets his clothes knocked off. Someone may get offended at a semi-naked cartoon character.

Many generations of kids grew up to be perfectly fine adults seeing that stuff on TV (don't get me started about Looney Tunes being too violent). In fact, I don't know any sane adults who think that it's ok to kick people in the nuts and tackle them over a cliff for being a jerk (much as some of us dream of doing that), and I don't know anyone who's been scarred for life because a talking reindeer with a lightbuld for a nose, and an elf who wants to be a dentist rather than make toys say they're misfits.

There is only one thing I personally find insulting about Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. And that is when Donnor essentially tells Rudolph's mother to 'stay in the kitchen and make me a pie, bitch!' while he goes out and looks for Rudolph (cause, you know, he's the big bad male with horns on his head. Never mind he's useless in a crisis and gets his ass knocked the hell out by the 'Bumble.) Of course, the 'women-folk' go out anyway, and of course get into trouble, and have to be saved by the men. But you know what? This stupid movie is a MOVIE that was made in the 50's or something, when that was the attitude of the day. And if I feel that it would anger me too much (not that it does, because I know how to take something in the context of the time in which it was made) I can always exercise my right to not watch it. I don't need some weenie in a suit who got beat up by the other reindeer making my damned decisions for me.

If you can be offended by a stop-motion photography movie about elves and talking reindeer, I think you have bigger issues.